keep your pertinacity

:(

2006-05-07T15:18:23Z

=/

something is bothering me.

im sadd. i need summer. i need the beach. i need MV. soo bad.d

run_by_me @ 2006-03-02T16:53:00

2006-03-02T22:09:41Z

i cant beleive it is over.

wow.

i guess there is not much to say, other then there will never be another expreience like high school running. i cant find the words to say how much it means to me. but someday i will. right now all i have to say is that i would be a completley different person if it were not for high school track. there are no ties. there are no strings. there is no defeat. and there is no win. there is nothing. there is nothing but high schoolers. out running. out competeing. out conquering something so insignificant as a track. but putting everything they have out onto that track. there are no strings. there are no ties. there is nothing there. there is nothing but you and yourself. highshcool running is nothing but small teenagers standing up to fight. fight not violently. and not for some greater cause that is unbenownst to the human mind. kids fighting for something only they know inside of themselves. there is never a winner. there is never a looser. there is nothing but this fight. it stands alone; separate from all else. nothing else matters during this fight. it is amazing. everything else goes away. and when one is working to conquer this competition with oneself alone. there is nothing stopping him. nothing.

highschool track is something that can be found nowhere else. the ability and the opportunituy to work, live, conquer, understand, and break away... is more than anything i could ever ask for.

if you are in highschool, and you do not run.. just know there is something out there that would add a completely different meaning to your life. you just need to find it. if you do not know where to turn: turn to running. it is there, and it alwas will be. dedicate yourself, work at it, and love what you do .. you will find something inside yourslef you never knew was there.

i am not finished yet. i am not done fighting.

everything happens for a reason

2006-02-08T22:32:33Z

my mind is the only fucking thing that cannot be taken from me. it never will be.

NEVER. ever.
someone could fucking stab me. shoot me. go ahead. it will not be in my way. never.

soo long

2006-02-06T03:03:14Z

alrite, so i claim my LJ dead.

goooooooooooddddbyyyye lj! i will recover you from you burial at a later date.

ps. i love you.
pps. ummmmm just know a lot of things happen in my life.
pppps. everything happens for a reason
ppppps. god blessed the broken road. yes sir.

<3shoosh.

run_by_me @ 2006-01-04T23:08:00

2006-01-05T04:09:48Z

omg./..i ... i know where i am gong to college next year. that totally just hit me.

.

run_by_me @ 2005-12-29T23:33:00

2005-12-30T04:36:11Z

a very wise friend once told me that:

"some people think holding on makes them strong..but sometimes it's letting go."

this can be applied to soooooo many aspects of myyy life. yours too probably. it goes along with that whole change thing... sometimes.

run_by_me @ 2005-12-28T09:39:00

2005-12-28T14:41:27Z

i left my pillow at my aunts house. i have a big puffy one that i am using. it is WAY to puffy. it was hard to fall esleep on. i woke up this morning with a stiff neck. it kinda hurts. i want back my flat pillow.

brrrr. the frustration.

run_by_me @ 2005-12-23T20:58:00

2005-12-24T01:59:03Z

ineedtotellyouhowifeel.

God blessed the broken road

2005-12-01T00:08:44Z

its indoor again.. its new... its a new season.. a new month.. a new life.. new people.. a new place.. a new school.. a new.. a lot of things. but there is that similar feeling i am grasping for.. something that i love SO much. that indoor feeling. that feeling of walking into the fitchburg track. that feeling of running around shrewsbury. that feeling or running in the halls. yelling track. running around in circles. running outside when you can see your breath. runnig with gloves. and with spandex. running workouts. singing christmas songs. lifting in bfs. doing a lot of things. driving home in the dark. looking ahead of me. going to the y. smelling the chlorine. that is a new feeling-- from last year. but it is something a part of me now. i sweat chlorine- and i bleed sweat. thats the way it is now. the way it is now is different than it was before.

the way it is now there is no longer any more running in the halls. there is no more bfs in the weight room with hot boys. there is no more timing workouts in the dust. there is no more running outside on the road. there is no more running out in the dark in gloves and spandex 6 mile run. there are no more people like people there were before. there are different people. there are is no more rubber gym. there is no more high jump practice. there is no more big green gym matts to stand on and do wall stretches. there is no more older people. there is no midnight tag. there is no team locker room. there is no mr louis. there is no more ice machine and bubblers. there is no more 4 hallways. there is no more 2nd speaker. there is no more einstein. there is no more late bus. there are no more fields. there is no more feeling of being with people there were before . once upon a time a long time ago these things were new. they were not no longer there.. they were new. brand new.

brand new my life now. new from then ^ , old for now. that means in the middle i suppose? the smell of chlorine. my green water bottle walking into the pool. stretching on the diving board. diving in after 10 minutes. bubbles. the smell of chlorine- strong chlorine. blocked ears. eliptical. 40 minutes. long minutes. aqua jogging. fresh night air afterwards. snow on the ground. warm car alone. music in the car. driving home late nights from the Y. running on the track. alone. minutes. everything necessary. formulating workouts alone. doing what i want. freedom. what i want to run. running that. running not everyday. not 5 times a week. not 4. not 3. maybe three. maybe 2. maybe only 1. cherishing that run. watching the halls. the new halls. watching the runs in there. just watching. wishing. wishing for only a minute. because i am no longer there. i was there at one point in my lfie. i was that freshman. i did yell "TRACK!" in the hallways. i did turn corners. i did run to the 3rd speaker. and i did start at einstein. that part of my life is gone. i will watch now. and i will wish. i want to run there again. with my team. i want back that schedule. but i dont. i wish for that minute only. only for one minute i want to go back to the way things were. i have learned more than i could have ever imagined. i know what to do. i know how to train. i know injury prevention. i know what works when and what does not. i know how to do it myself. i have learned so much. i am no longer in my small highschool paridise i was those years ago. no longer there. i am somwehere different. but to a much higher place. a place so differet. a world by myself. i would never go back. never in my life for what i have learned.

but indoor has began. those feelings. running at fitchburg. stretching. shrewsbury. green people running around. colors. smell of the gun. running. music. its back. no matter what has changed around me. and quite a lot has. people too. running is the same. and i am SO thankful for that. there are some things that are going to change as time goes by. that i have learned. things change quickly, and you never realize that not long from that moment you will look back and realize that life will NEVER be the same again. never. but you look back and realize that life is new, and despite the unfamililarity in "newness" life is amazing. never take the moment for granted. just live. just run. that feeling. running. indoor. is the same. despite the people. despite the times. despite my age. its the same. the feeling of running indoor..

will never change. will never leave me. ever.

<3

"days go by- i can feel them flying- like a hand out the window in the wind"

run_by_me @ 2005-11-28T21:39:00

2005-11-29T03:01:40Z

INDOOR TRACK BEGAN TODAY <3<3<3<3<3 honestly... . i am STOKED. i really cannot explain my level of excitment.

ifckingmissyou.

you can fly if you really want to

2005-11-14T00:24:09Z

Impossible is just a big word thrown around by small people who find it easier to live in the world they've been given than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It's an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It's a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is nothing.

hey just know. i have the most amazing team... and the best friends ever-- and i am quite thankful for that. (: this weekend was a lot of fun... cmassifuckingloveyou.

run_by_me @ 2005-11-09T16:36:00

2005-11-09T21:37:07Z

i said this on september 10, 2005:

"i miss having all the time in the world at the Y."

reffering to my summer.

enough said.

run_by_me @ 2005-11-09T16:33:00

2005-11-09T21:34:29Z

i miss you. and i miss running. i miss a whole lot of things. but i need to look ahhhhhhhhhead, like maybe where i want to go to college.. isuspose.

run_by_me @ 2005-11-03T22:50:00

2005-11-04T03:58:21Z

firstly, i would like to thank my friends for everything they have done for me. i would not be who i am today without them. i love you all. <3<3
i am currently writing an essay for tarmey. what else would i be doing on a lovely thursday evening? hmm. not writing of course.
today i had study loooonnnnng block.. yay! i had the car so we could leeeeeeeaaave. karen mark and ii went to get some foood and then ended up at the library. yes, the library. well just know- some interesting talk went on. lol. oh how i love studys lonnng.

hmmm. i went to the Y today. it was awesome. i was on the eliptical between mrs. banks and mr. farley. haha.. yeaa wicked cool =D im really not into writing right now.
but i just wanted to say that i am in a really good mood. and its 10:52 PM. i have to take SAT II's this saturday and i need my sleep to function. just know- i will get 12 hours tomorrow night. a full 12. my brain will thus function accordingly. i hope i know enough math :-/
this is quite a boring entry-- and i appologize for that.

there will be more thriller stories of the life of kim shooshan at a later date. i have been saying that a lot lately havent i?

i wrote my college essay on my race with gampy. hahaaaha. yeaaa the one where my physique was degraded by the officials who decided the outcome through the size of my chest. its not my fault i have a small chest. like, really.

gah. im going to write----
i loooooooooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeee youuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!

run_by_me @ 2005-11-02T17:26:00

2005-11-02T22:27:54Z

so, maybe its God trying to tell me something. everything does happen for a reason.. that is what i have always beleived. i guess i can not quite say for sure right now. maybe if i ran all this season i would have gotten another stress fracture. maybe the gym will be done this indoor. maybe a lot of things will happen. maybe i should begin my homework now.

run_by_me @ 2005-11-01T19:05:00

2005-11-02T00:13:39Z

im fucking pissed.

so all i am saying right now is:

when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

i miss you too. like a lot.

run_by_me @ 2005-10-27T16:05:00

2005-10-27T20:07:03Z

so if you were kimberly shooshan and you were writing a 300 page autobiography on yourself, and you had to specifically recount page 217. what would be on that page? any ideas?

hmmm . .. ..

run_by_me @ 2005-10-23T08:57:00

2005-10-23T13:10:47Z

alright. so i am writign ym college essay. at laaast. i just feel like i have pleaded and contemplated over a topic for quite some time now. i cant quite seem to figure out what i want to write about. maybe its becuase os many opeopel and so many different events have had such an impact on my life that i cannot choose one over the others to write about. well, anyways. i am writing about young Eddie. i will go back to doing that in just a minute. i just neede a minute to ventalate in my LJ. good 'ol LJ. i have no written in here forever.
i always never write in here for some time, and then there is way to much to write about that i cant talk about it all. justknow, this year is quite interesting.

quite interesting. im a fucking senior.
and for karen, meliss, em and jess: im gunna fucking miss you guys. (haaaaha)

this weekend is crazy. like-- crazy. i have so much stuff to do. i still cant quite figure out this year, and i feel like its going to be over right when i am starting to understandf everything around me. it is goign by way to fast. i dont have any time to look around me and smell life. the leaves on the trees are falling. but i havnt heard crunching leaves yet. its been raining for well over a week now.. weiiird. its something that happens like, only every 100 years. we got 500 times the regualr rainfall i guess. environmental science kids told me that.. hmm. i am in human bio.

so i had this really weird ephimney the other day. i want to be a brain surgeon. like seriosly. i think that owuld be an amazing, challenging, and rewarding job. i guess i say this so nonchlantly. but it really crossed my mind. i guess more thenjust tip-toeing across, because i think that i am going to truely consider it. i actually love psyc class. its a great class, other then the fact that im in fucking af. and its way to fucking easy. we dont do anythingggg.. and it kills me. i should havve taken AP. aaaaggghhh. hhmm ohh well.. AP art is going...

good. i guess? i need to get drawing. i have officiated my concentration to running. i beleive. i just need to begin it now. hmmmm.

so, i resprained my ankle the other day. just know, this angers me, frustrates me.. and a whole hell of a lot more. so just know, i cou;d probably write an ENTIRE book in here about how it happened, what hjappened, and how i felt. but ujst know.. i am either going to #1 not write anything about it or #2 write it at a different date. because right now i need to write my college essay. and i need not rage my body into a detremental state of fury and anger, resentment and frustration. so, with that not, i will say llaaaaaaater for now. and i will be back at some later date in my life.

run_by_me @ 2005-10-17T00:10:00

2005-10-17T04:15:13Z

take your records, take your freedoms, take your memories i dont need them.

je souhaite.

run_by_me @ 2005-10-07T12:49:00

2005-10-07T16:56:54Z

alright, so not gunna lie-- i have not updated this journal in quite a while.. and there is a loooot of stuff to write in here. BUT- i am not going to write about that stuff right now. i am just going to quickly comment on miss elaine haapanens live journal. i love it. just know- that the only thing i could do as i viewed her second to last updated entry with pictures from foss, that all i could do was smile. i hear music from foss. i smile. i see ppl from foss. i smile. i love foss. it reminds me of summer. that was by that best week ever. offf my life.

the end.

i will update about my current life at a later date as i am currently smothered with factual information about not failing a test which painstakingly can determine whether you go to college or not. a test mocked by the vast majoroity of the american student population. a test hated and despised. a test that is suspoed to test your intellectual knowledge-- but really tests whether one has mastered the "substantial" skills of the test maker. this test formally known as the SAT is currently swelling my mind and destroying any other thoughts at the moment. so-- with that in mind... i will be back at a later date to discuss my role in life at this current time during my senoir year.

<3<3<3

run_by_me @ 2005-09-16T22:47:00

2005-09-17T02:49:03Z

sooo.. this week has been interesting nonetheless. school this year is different --not gunna lie, and i see completely different people this year than last year. i never see jenny though. this makes me sad :( she and i have a sense of connection-- that is missing in my day. hmm.

soo, i am sick and i really wanst planning on doing anything tonight. but hah- of course, i did. i cant stay home on a friday night.. .whhhat? it was interesting to say the least. heh.

AMHERST INVITATIONAL IS TOMORROW. just know, i am VERY excited although i will not be runinng. that is okay though. i still love my team. and runners in general. i am never as happy as when i am at a running event. not gunna lie. i love track. xc too <3 yay.! well, i will not be running tomorrow... still at the beginning of my training..

but the day will come.

iheartyou.imissyou.imisstalkingtoyou.pleasecomehome.

run_by_me @ 2005-09-13T16:38:00

2005-09-13T20:42:04Z

so, today is my day off. i have been running. just know-- i would not be enojying much at the moment if it were not for being able run. unforuntnetally-- i am in a bad mood as we speak.. i dont feel like this often- in fact, this is quite unusuall.. i never feel like this. i am also very tired. that does not happen all too often either. so, i give you permission to STOP reading right now if you want to, because i am going to use this entry to get out some of my feelings and anger at the moment.

i actually couldnt be able to tell you right about now why i am feeling the way that i am feeling. it may be a certain something that hapened recently.. that maybe i should not have done. in fact, i have no idea what it is. all i can tell you is that sometimes i feel like i try too hard. sometimes i feel like i put so much effort into things and the result is not something of the sort that i would like. we are learning about that in pshchology actually. behaviorists to be exact. its about rewards and punishment. a whole other meaning really.. but i guess i could apply that to myself.

why do i care? have you ever really cared about something. maybe something that doesnt matter, or someone that doesnt care about you. why do i try? why do i even bother? i dont understand myself... maybe that is why i feel like this. i guess i usually try to make sense of things.. some things. other things dont need sense made out of them. but some things do. and i guess i like to make sense of my actions-- mainly. but i guess its hard to. maybe love is one of those actions that doesnt need sense to be made out of it. maybe nothing in this world makes sense.

ok, im rambling. so, this weekend is amherst invatational (: yay for xc. i have run twice. yesterday i ran 4 miles. that is the MOST i have gone in an ennnntire year. (: pritty crazy.

i miss track- not gunna lie. i LOVE xc--- but i just dont have the same sense of emotional attatchment that i have to track.

alright, i need to go study for math. maybe i will switch from human bio into human body works.. hmm..

my weakness is.. that i care to much

run_by_me @ 2005-09-11T14:23:00

2005-09-11T18:52:59Z

alllrite... soo summer is over :( school has started. aaand i miss all the awesomet hings that made up summer. but just know- this year is going to be quite some funn.. i think i finnnnnnnalllly figured out how to put up pictures.. YAY! foss and a lil MV.... WOOOOOOOO

cait and i im MV .. i<3 my summer sister

the 6 of usss... at fosss =D (hah, look at forge's make up... lol)

forge, jenny, me, dan, elaine, rebekah, sheldon.. and laura... we are wearing SEX PATROL shirts.. . the counselors loooovvved us... hahahaaa

me rebekah and jenny... outside KEARRRSARGE cabin.....

me and forge kick ass in knock out ...

<3<3 i love the things we do... hmm..take note- in the background- the tetherball string-- aka. where we hung bunky (dugg<3u hahaa)

just know-- it took quite a while to get these shirts.. by far the BEST

i am being pampered... (haha picture taken by REBEKAAAAAAAH)

the best tabbble EVVVER ..wisemanners + doherty...

this was not at foss... we are on our way to the famous WPI :) (maryann i am wearing your sweatshirt.. jenny let me us it. . )

if these pictures work... i will LOVE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE hah. <3

fall is heeeeeeeeeeere

2005-09-10T17:43:27Z

ok, so i will post pictures of my summer up here once i really figure out how to do it. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek

So the season of fall is embarking upon us, and yet another school year has begun. Officially a senior at wachusett regional high school is a lot different than I had imagined. I can see a senior year being a hell of a lot different with facilities to exist in. yet the state of the construction brings about ambiguous emotions as over 2000 kids make their way around the buildings. One of the factors of our new school that came into play Wednesday morning was that the maps were labeled with “New Building” and “Old Building.” the abundance of seniors and upperclassmen walk, usually with their presumptuous senior way of walking, down the hall of the new school with a touch of confidence and knowledge in their step-- for they know the way around the school despite the construction. However, the newly enchanted freshman who have never before set foot among the building of wachusett- can not barely begin to tell one the difference between the old building and the new building- as the maps were labeled so. I ended up leading many freshman to their classes as they could not comprehend the directions involving the difference between the old and new schools. Oooh freshman. Nothing more said. I was there at one point in my life.

So, as I am now a senior I realize that I must make a very important decision this year.. Not merely anything of the sort of daily life decision… as in what should I wear? Should is study for this? Whhhhy am I here??.. No no. this decision is a life changing one.. One that I will live with for the next four years (perpaps more) of my life. This decision is one shared by a vast majority of the senior class. It always seems so far away, this decision. As a freshman you can barely comprehend the size of your new school and classes and assortment of different people at achiest ..that you barely even realize that in just 3 years you, too, will be having to partake in this gargantuan life changing process. As a freshman, it seems as if you will never reach this point in your life. Everything is so new- so big- so different.. And it is amazing how much one must change in a matter of three years. People go from middle school-- such a small sheltered (not saying that I am still not sheltered-- because living in the wachu district is considered is a rich suburban area or Worcester.. Yes, very sheltered) life of being young, 13, 14 years old… to being a late teenager, 17, 18 years old. Your teenage experiences-- your young life-- your realization that youth is not something to waste and that you are not going to be young forever (such a smack in the face of reality) occurs during these three years. And as one goes from the unknowledgeable immature irresponsible freshman to the big bad senior-- he must make a decisions, which, inevitably, are life changing- mind boggling- glimpses of the real world- being on your own- kind of decision. For once in your life you, alone, are given such a large responsibility to make a decision which will forever change your future. This decision may be larger for some, smaller for others, less important for some, and more relevant for others. However, no matter the size of the decision, there is a realization of instant maturity.. For one must made an indispensable choice about his future. It almost seems unfair. Being played as the tiny freshman and even as a senior-- one is still completely reliant upon others for certain decisions and aspects of life. However, it seems almost out of reality when finally the senior must make this decision oneself. One is making this decision completely for himself-- it will not affect anyone else but himself-- and this is the fact that is mind boggling. As a senior (whether mature enough or not), one must make a decision so incredibly important to the vitality of their future, that will effect oneself and only oneself…..-- And -- this decision must be made by oneself only. Noone else can make it for him- .. And it seems out of reality because one is really begin slapped in the face with reality- something that has never before previously taken place. Now this entry may not be making ANY sense to you-- as to myself, however, I realize that I have grown enormously as I have been faced with this decision, and it is in my best interest to address the fact that this realization has occurred to me. I am writing not for the sake of others- but to alleviate my stress level and thoughts.

Just know… this time next year I will be a changed person in a changed world… a tiny freshman once again in a setting so large and astounding facing new decisions and realizations beyond the imagination.

btw. this year is going to be one amazing year.

run.

being outside the past few days it is beginning to get chilly and i guess i cant really beleive that fall is coming already. the leaves on the trees anre changing and falling to the ground. it makes me sad a little i guess. in the past, fall has always made me perkey.. but i think the fact that summer went by so fast.. kills me. i miss the vineyard. i miss being on the beach. i miss the sun. i miss jack and dagney. i miss taking chitty chitty element into OB at niiite with cait. i miss high jump sessions. i miss hanging on the WPI track at absurd hours of the night. i miss tanning. i miss the sound of the waves. i miss deleware. i miss the warm sand. i miss hoottttt guys on the beach. i miss having all the time in the world at the Y. i miss driving with the music up and the windows alllllll the way down with the breeze being WARM. i miss elaine and laura being around. i miss foss. i miss the feeling that summer felt like it would never end becuase it was just THAT amazing. i misssss my friends. i miss having nothing to do. i miss looking at colleges feeling like it was still so far away. i miss summer. i miss the sun. i miss the warmth. i guess i am ready for fallll.. bring it... .. . .

run_by_me @ 2005-09-05T23:21:00

2005-09-06T03:21:29Z

okay, so i am going to go bed just about now... but here are just a few pictures (yay in finallly figured out how to do it) from fosss running camp for fun... (i will UPDATE lattta about my last weeks of summer--- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--- tomorrow is my last real day OF SUMMER 2005 ! *tear*)

cabin KEARSARGE----aka---FOSS TRIATHLON CHAMPS! woooooo waddup

we are wearing camp foss sex patrol shirts. the counselors loooved us...

the six of us one night after hours at the haap beauty cabin.. hahh (look at forges makeup, lol)

MFB night of Foss Prom... high class clothing... no doubt indeed :)